The Life i called my own
by BrokenOutlaw
Summary: What happens when Glamnation ends?
1. Chapter 1  Shut the Door

**Chapter 1: Close the door**

"So i guess this is it, then." Adam stood in the middle of the motel, suitcase in one hand, jacket draped over the other. Tommy was leaning on the door frame, his fingers gripped around the wood, his eyes watching Adam, attempting to hide the sadness dwelling in them. He didn't say anything, just nodded slightly. Adam's face curled into a smile as he dropped the suitcase and stretched out his arms. "Do i get a hug?" he asked, his head tilting to the side and his mouth pouting in question. Tommy moved slowly before falling into the hug, pressing his body against Adam's and wrapping his arms around Adam's waist. He remained silent as he felt Adam's hands move reassuringly up and down his back, as he planted soft kisses on his head.

Adam pulled Tommy away for a moment, one hand still resting on his back, the other moving to Tommy's cheek as he trailed his thumb along his cheekbone gently. "Its been fun" he stated, still smiling but now in a way to try and get Tommy to smile too. It worked - you could've blinked and missed it, but the sides of Tommy's mouth twitched upwards for a brief second.

"Yeah" Tommy agreed, the word coming out in a breath he didn't know he had been holding in. He was choking up and he coughed slightly to disguise it, hoping Adam wouldn't realize.

Adam ran a hand through Tommy's blonde hair and kissed him again. He pulled away and stared into Tommy's eyes for a second - as if savoring the moment. He finally pulled his gaze away and reached for his suitcase - slowly dragging it towards the door. "See ya in a couple of weeks, TommyJoe" he called back as he opened the door.

Tommy found the familiar door frame and adjusted himself back into the leaning position he had started in, his arms folded awkwardly. He lifted a hand and waved slightly, forcing out a smile. "Have fun in Paris" he shouted in what he hoped was an i'm-happy-for-you tone. Adam turned back and smiled at him - that same beautiful smile Tommy knew and loved. But a smile that also showed that Adam was completely and utterly happy at that moment and excited about his Paris adventures….whereas Tommy was hating watching him walk out that door.

The door shut with a soft thud and Tommy was left standing alone in the motel room.

The tour was over - (well all but the two LA show in a couple of weeks) - but the life that Tommy had known for the last 6 months was officially done. Touring the world with what had become an extension of his family - Isaac, Sasha, Monte, Taylor, Terrance, Brooke and Cam, all the late night parties, the overseas mischief, the time that the race track outside their windows had kept the whole crew up in Singapore, the time that Tommy had lost his passport, all the little onstage muck-ups they had all laughed about over some drinks after the shows, the countless inside jokes, the friendships, the fans, the experiences, the craziness….and then of course….there was Adam.

It was hard to believe that Tommy had only known Adam for just under a year. They'd clicked from day one - their love for glamrock, their humor, their personalities. They were just always totally in tune with each other, both onstage and off. They'd built such a solid friendship and over all the time away from home - all the tough times and all the great times - that friendship had blossomed into something a little more. Which Tommy had never quite understood, because he was a straight dude….until it came to Adam.

It had all started in Japan. They'd had a few drinks, a lot of laughs, played some drinking games that Taylor had been given for his birthday, and somehow, by the end of the night, Tommy had been sitting in Adam's lap, the exchange of kissing becoming more frequent - and suddenly it wasn't all for fan service because at the time, there were certainly no fans around. Then as the tour had progressed, the lap had turned to a bed that they had shared, and everyone in the band knew about it…. But noone really said anything. Even Adam and Tommy never really said anything. The fact just became that they would hang out together a lot more than anyone else did in the band, and when it came to booking motels, there was always a shared room for Adam and Tommy.

Was it love? Well maybe, but nobody had ever asked that. It was what it was. Fun and games and comfort when one of them needed it, a shoulder to cry on, someone to whinge to, someone to keep the other warm at night.

There was only ever one time that the question had been raised by someone other than a fan, and that was when Monte had been drunk. He had slurred his words together and asked with a chuckle and a beer in his hand, "So whadsthedeal with you two, eh?", and Tommy had stayed quiet while Adam had laughed it off, waved his hand and replied "Its just a bit of fun. Just getting into character." And maybe it was. But Tommy didn't dare question it for fear that it could all slip away. He just needed someone to care for him, someone to be there and someone to laugh with - and Adam was it. At least for this tour.

But now it was over. GlamNation done. The tour bus was packed up (not without everyone scratching their names into the wooden bunks before they locked up for the last time), the full stage setup on its way back to the States, the end-of-tour parties had already begun starting at an insane London bar last night, and now Adam was off to catch a plane to Paris to do promo work while Tommy and the rest of the crew were all booked on a flight back to LA in a few hours.

This was it. The fun and games was over.

Now it was thinking time. That unwelcome sudden snap back to reality as Tommy realized that Adam wouldn't be around 24/7 anymore, instead he'd be promoting new stuff, back to interviews and photoshoots, working on a new album - which he didn't need his bass player around for. He'd probably find some pretty french boy to fall in love with and bring him back to LA.

Tommy hated LA. He hated the thought of going back there. Sure, he missed his flatmates and his friends. He'd flown back there briefly mid tour for his Dad's funeral - but home for him was on the road with this band, with what had been dubbed his 'glamily'. But his life back in LA wasn't friend filled with social bookings through the roof, with paparazzi following him around everywhere - his life wasn't Adam's. He wouldn't go home and hit every club with half of LA tagging along…in fact, Tommy would probably go home, curl up in his flat with Dave and Mike and watch a marathon of M*A*S*H or watch a truck load of horror movies.

It suddenly struck him that come LA, Adam would probably be too tied up with his real friends to want to hang out with Tommy. Too many calendar dates already booked. Tommy wondered if maybe he should've scrawled himself a booking in Adam's diary for a beer or something one day. But he hadn't.

It was 2weeks until JingleBall -the next time the whole band (except the dancers) would be altogether onstage again. 14 days. A LONG time before Tommy would see everyone again - most importantly, a long time before he would see Adam again. And even after that, there were only 2 LA shows remaining before they would shut the door on GlamNation forever. 2010 tour done and dusted. This crazy whirlwind that had struck Tommy's life would soon turn to dust. Give it a few months, he thought, the fans would probably forget all about the blonde bassist who kissed Adam onstage when Fever played - even if he was selected for the next tour, would Adam even keep Fever on the setlist when the new album came out? -, the guy whose tongue was famous for the AMA's, the 'prettykitty' who headbanged until he was dizzy in his much-too-high creepers every night.

The bright lights of the stage would fade and soon enough, TommyJoe would be a distant memory. He would be back home in Burbank, and nobody would even notice him.

But Tommy didn't want it to be over. He didn't want the goodbyes. He didn't want to go back to his boring, quiet LA life. And in his heart he knew that with the tour done and dusted….maybe that meant him and Adam were done forever too.

And above all the things that he didn't want to be over….Adam was top of the list.


	2. Chapter 2 Cards that Bend

**Chapter 2: Cards That Bend**

Isaac watched as Tommy attempted to stuff his last hoody into his backpack with slight amusement. They were sitting in the airport waiting for their boarding call to ring through the speakers.

"You right there?" Isaac asked.

Tommy seemed to ignore him at first, instead busying himself with pulling the two ends of the zips on his bag together. When he finally sealed the deal he looked up, his blonde hair flipping out of his face as he did so.

"Yep" was his reply. He then sat back in his chair and put his feet up on his now stuffed backpack.

"You alright? You seem….different" Isaac thought out loud, throwing a concerned look Tommy's way.

Tommy just shrugged and smiled appreciatively "Im fine. Just end of this tour….its weird y'know." Isaac nodded knowingly.

"Yeah it's kinda like where do we go from here? But other stuff will come up, we'll all see each other again. We'll never stop being like family."

Isaac looked up as the intercom suddenly interrupted their conversation, calling them to board.

"Tommy, what seat number are you?" Sasha appeared in front of him, flashing her ticket his way.

"Umm i dunno…" he unfurled his boarding pass from his pocket and tilted it "…like J12".

Sasha looked defeated "Hey Brooke…." and she rushed off to compare tickets.

Tommy smiled after her.

"Looks like you gotta put up with me beside Ya" Sutan smiled as he grabbed Tommy's ticket from his hand and compared it with his own. Taylor murmured something about 'life partners' under his breath before he looked away, laughing to Terrance.

Tommy never did like flying. He didn't want anything to do with the window seat (much to Sutan's delight), and once seated, he pulled his seatbelt as tight as it could go and gripped the hand rest until his knuckles were white.

"We haven't even taken off yet" Sutan laughed, pulling out an inflight magazine and scanning the drinks menu thoughtfully.

"Shuddup" Tommy hissed.

There was silence as the plane took off and Tommy sat with his eyes closed trying to think of happy things to keep his mind off the fact that they could possibly fall out of the sky any minute now. Sutan just looked on with amusement.

Once up in the air, Sutan put the magazine down and turned to Tommy, who was beginning to relax slightly.

"So….you ganna tell uncle Sutan what's wrong or am i ganna have to guess and give you my take?" he asked, his eyes fixed on Tommy.

Tommy's hand gripped the armrest once again - half because of small jolts of turbulence and half because of the question being asked.

"Whataya mean?" he asked in what he hoped was a theres-nothing-wrong tone.

Sutan glared at him. "Because i think you got your kitty tail in a knot because a certain someone has left the tour". He didn't bother giving Tommy time to respond. He knew he wasn't going to get any answers unless he outrightly asked.

Tommy's eyes settled on his feet but he remained quiet.

"We all know there's something there, man. We're not blind. You've been sharing a bed with the guy for the last 2 months….unless one of you sleeps on the floor in your shared rooms. But hey, its not everyone of us that gets our tongues twisted every night…quite literally may i add."

Tommy shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Changing topic?" he said quietly, quickly peering around to see who was within earshot.

He'd never felt so awkward in his life - and Tommy was naturally an awkward person.

Sutan just smiled "No, because i think this is quite a relevant topic, Mr TommyJoe. Hell, we got another 17hrs or so on this plane…you've got all the time in the world to start talkin'. I can wait".

Sutan was prying. He knew it. But everyone could tell Tommy wasnt himself. Naturally, Tommy was the quietest out of the whole crew - not shy, but he was one of those people who didn't feel the need to fill every void of silence with conversation. Yes, TommyJoe could open up to those he trusted. He was a funny guy when he wanted to be and his lurking-in-the-shadows way about him often made some of the impromptu things he did some of the most hilarious moments on the tour (Sasha still held a video of him pole dancing in the tour bus one night in her iphone). But for those that knew him well, they knew there was quiet Tommy and then there was the theres-something-eating-at-me-but-i-refuse-to-talk-about-it Tommy.

"Me and Adam ….it's nothing. When it all ends, he goes back to LA and I go to Burbank. Theres nothing else to it." Tommy was now focusing on Taylor in an empty seat a couple of rows ahead, tuned in to the on-flight dvd player. He briefly thought about moving to sit with him and avoiding all these questions, but in all truth he was too terrified to unbuckle his seatbelt.

Was the plane making a weird noise or was that just him?

"Wanna know what i think?" Sutan asked, and Tommy could only roll his eyes knowing he was going to be told anyway, "I think that you want there to be something else to it. You can play the straight card all you want. But even cards can bend."

Tommy was seriously considering making that mad dash to Taylor now.

There was a sudden jolt of turbulence that shocked him back into his seat and caused him to press his back firmly back into his chair. He wasn't moving anywhere.

It was ganna be a long trip home - with Sutan blurting out whatever came to mind and offering whatever kind of counseling he felt Tommy needed.

Only problem was….as much as Tommy hated to hear it…Sutan was always right.


End file.
